History - annotated exemplars level 2 AS91230

Examine an historical event or place that is of significance to New Zealanders (2.2)

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This annotated exemplar is intended for teacher use only. The student work shown does not always represent a complete sample of what is required. Selected extracts are used, focused on the grade boundaries, in order to assist assessors to make judgements at the national standard.

Low Excellence

Commentary
Student work extract

Student 1 (PDF, 169KB)

For Excellence, the student needs to comprehensively examine an historical event or place that is of significance to New Zealanders.

This involves communicating key historical ideas through a convincing explanation of the event or place, with comprehensive supporting evidence and an explanation of its significance to New Zealanders.

In this student’s evidence about the death of Princess Diana, the student has consistently presented the key historical idea for each paragraph in the first sentence of the paragraph, and provided convincing explanations in most paragraphs. For example, the case is clearly presented with regard to the royal family reputation (1) and whether someone spiked Henri Paul’s drinks (3).

The student has also provided some comprehensive evidence, e.g. the section on Henri Paul’s drinking (3) and provided sound explanation of the event’s significance to New Zealanders (5).

For a more secure Excellence, the student could provide:

  • more comprehensive evidence, for example a more detailed description of royal attitudes and actions towards Diana (1)
  • a more convincing explanation by supporting ideas with evidence rather than conjecturing (4), for example the activities of the paparazzi on the night could be described to support the view that they contributed to the crash.

High Merit

Commentary
Student work extract

Student 2 (PDF, 171KB)

For Merit, the student needs to examine, in-depth, an historical event or place that is of significance to New Zealanders.

This involves communicating key historical ideas through a coherent explanation of the event or place, with detailed supporting evidence and an explanation of its significance to New Zealanders.

In this student’s evidence about the 9/11 attack, the student has consistently presented the key historical idea at the beginning of each paragraph, and provided explanation that is coherent throughout. There is also detail through coverage of eight different conspiracy theories, and supporting evidence, e.g. specifics about NIST (2), NORAD (3), thermite explosives (5), engineering journals (6) and New Zealand troops in Afghanistan (11).

The student has also provided a well-considered section on the significance of the event to New Zealanders, which covers a broad range of considerations (7).

To reach Excellence, the student could ensure that the evidence is consistently relevant to the topic that has been established. For example, discussion of structural failings of the building (1) is not discussion of a conspiracy. There could also be more comprehensive supporting evidence, for example in the section on the controlled demolition conspiracy theory (4).

More in-depth evidence rather than speculation could be presented in the section about significance to New Zealanders (8) (9) (10).

Low Merit

Commentary
Student work extract

Student 3 (PDF, 166KB)

For Merit, the student needs to examine, in-depth, an historical event or place that is of significance to New Zealanders.

This involves communicating key historical ideas through a coherent explanation of the event or place, with detailed supporting evidence and an explanation of its significance to New Zealanders.

In this student’s evidence about the attack on Pearl Harbour, the student has presented the key historical idea for each paragraph in the first sentence of the paragraph in Section 1, and provided details in that section of the conspiracy theories, e.g. the freezing of assets (2), reference to the Anti-Comintern Pact (3).

The student has also made important observations about the significance of Pearl Harbour to New Zealand, e.g. the fostering of political ties with U.S. (9), domestic ties with U.S. soldiers (10), and tensions (11).

For a more secure Merit, the student could:

  • ensure that key historical ideas are presented consistently, including in the ‘Conspiracy Theories’ and the ‘Significance to New Zealand’ sections, where narrative style prevails instead
  • ensure that problems with demonstrating understanding (1) (3) (6) are avoided
  • ensure that problems with factual accuracy (2) (5) are avoided.

Greater depth of explanation in some of the matters raised would also help towards a more secure Merit (4) (7). For example, in the discussion of opposition to Roosevelt (4) in both houses of Congress, more detail could be expected on what it took to win their support in order to gain funding for mobilisation of the American economy.

High Achieved

Commentary
Student work extract

Student 4 (PDF, 170KB)

For Achieved, the student needs to examine an historical event or place that is of significance to New Zealanders.

This involves communicating key historical ideas through a coherent explanation of an event or place, with supporting evidence, and describing its significance to New Zealanders.

In this student’s evidence about Hitler’s death, the student has discussed three different theories about Hitler’s fate (1) (2) (3), with particular attention to one (2) and used the first sentence of each paragraph to communicate the key historical idea for the paragraph (8). The student has also established several ways in which the death of Hitler was significant to New Zealanders (5).

To reach Merit, the student could:

  • discuss a wider range of evidence, especially the most likely, e.g. evidence associated with Hitler’s suicide, Russia’s role in removing evidence and more recent forensic examination of that evidence
  • provide better balance by concentrating on the more likely theories rather than the least likely (2)
  • ensure that problems with coherence of explanations in the examination of evidence (4) (5) (6) (7) are avoided
  • ensure that the significance to New Zealanders section is written more succinctly (10) and in a way that avoids repetition (9) (11).

Low Achieved

Commentary
Student work extract

Student 5 (PDF, 171KB)

For Achieved, the student needs to examine an historical event or place that is of significance to New Zealanders.

This involves communicating key historical ideas through a coherent explanation of an event or place, with supporting evidence, and describing its significance to New Zealanders.

In this student’s evidence about the death of Princess Diana, the student has provided key historical ideas at the start of each paragraph (with the exception of the fourth), and coherent explanation in places (4) (12) (13) (15). There is some supporting evidence that is clearly in sufficient depth for Achieved (6) (10), and a brief description of the significance of the event to New Zealanders (14).

For a more secure Achieved, the student could:

  • ensure that problems with the coherency of explanations (1) (3) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (11) are avoided. For example, further discussion could include how the sources could be lying, what the Brigade Criminale could be covering up, what consequences there could be, and what other information around these sources could be expected (11) to ensure that key historical ideas are consistently and clearly communicated
  • ensure that key historical ideas are consistently and clearly communicated
  • provide discussion in greater depth of significance of the event to New Zealanders. For example, explanation could be provided of what is meant by the royal family having ‘plans’ for Diana.

High Not Achieved

Commentary
Student work extract

Student 6 (PDF, 173KB)

For Achieved, the student needs to examine an historical event or place that is of significance to New Zealanders.

This involves communicating key historical ideas through a coherent explanation of an event or place, with supporting evidence, and describing its significance to New Zealanders.

In this student’s evidence about the 9/11 attack, the student has provided a brief, coherent overview of the event (1), their own views about whether there was a conspiracy (2), and an outline of a number of different conspiracy theories (3). Descriptions are coherent in places (7). There is some description of the significance of the event to New Zealanders (4).

To reach Achieved, the student could:

  • avoid narrative by communicating through key historical ideas
  • provide evidence to support views on whether there was a conspiracy (2)
  • demonstrate a more coherent explanation by providing a more sequential description (5)
  • support contentions (6) with some further explanation and evidence as to why the view is held, e.g. by examining the US army’s plans to attack al-Qaeda.
 
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